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It’s heaven.’ We’re just going to pause here to let everyone get over the visual of a coconut sloshing with semen and butter. Now, while this story has been horrifying from the get-go, this is where it gets worse. ‘About a week and a bit after the initial coconut fuck (I had been using it pretty much every day since then) I begin to notice a few more flies than usual as well as an odd, unpleasant smell about my room,’ he says. So I decide that I’ll fuck it once more before I throw it out and get a new one. ‘You see, the reason for the increased number of flies was that the coconut was evidently, in hindsight, a nearly perfect place to lay eggs.

‘As I penetrate the coconut one last time I begin to feel a strange wriggling sensation.

The food may be too hot (again, pies are a bad idea) and leave you with burns, too acidic and cause damage to your skin, or could have rough surfaces that give you pain and irritation.

Plus, as the story indicates, it’s not very hygienic to leave fruit and veg around after slicing into it – especially after filling it with semen.

Instead of resorting to makeshift sex toys, it might be time to normalise men going to a store and buying things specifically made for the purposes of masturbating.

A quick search of Reddit reveals multiple other posts from people revealing that, inspired by that original coconut-f***ing incident, they, too, had put their penis in a coconut.

Stories include ‘TIFU by trying to f*** a coconut’, and ‘TIFU by not cleaning up after f***ing a coconut’.

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